Men & Bells 18:00 Morris Dancing on Ice
Philip and Holly look on as 20 Q-list celebrities flounce about on the ice in preposterous garb before battering the crap out of each other with big sticks.
TV HA HA 21:00 Armstrong and Miller
Neil Armstrong and Glenn Miller present an evening of hot jazz from the surface of the moon. Which crazy cat said that joint had no atmosphere?
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History Channel 20:00 A Renaissance for Beef Curtains
Now that 'felching' and 'frotting' have been dropped from the Oxford English Dictionary, potty-mouthed linguist Simon Parker-Jones asks if anything can be done to reinstate urban street slang to its glory of yesteryear. Should 'beef curtains' be saved from a similar fate, or will a lady's private parts never again be described in such eloquently poetic terms?
TV NHS Embarrassing Bodies
This week: Jo Brand.
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Gluttony on 1 17:45 Nigel Slater's Simpleton Suppers
Join TV Chef Nigel as he tries to teach yet another blithering idiot the art of late night cuisine. Tonight Nigel loses the sight in his left eye when forty-two year-old world champion imbecile Adam attempts to operate a soup spoon without sufficient training.
Film 4423:00 Ten Second Cinema: American History X
Skinhead bummed to oblivion and back teaches the world to sing. Or does he?
Snob TV 17:30 Golly! Wog
Historical look at how aristocratic attitudes toward ethnic minorities haven't changed a bit. Features an interview with Lord Farquah-Smythe who still keeps a black man under his bed to protect against burglars and to offer the occasional 'exotic' wank.