Hi [Name],

Welcome to the latest Hull the Other One newsletter, ghost-written this month by the same author responsible for Tony Blair’s memoirs, so expect more codswallop than usual.

The Government today pledged more emergency aid to flood-torn Pakistan by dispatching the finest talent the UK construction industry has to offer. A convoy of untaxed white vans left Downing St for the badly hit region of Sindh, where later this afternoon hundreds of shivering, terrified pensioners will be quoted fifteen grand to retile a roof last seen floating down the Indus River amongst a herd of dead oxen.

Popular countryside soap Emmerdale made the news recently following complaints that the Specials Board in the Woolpack pub included "jam rags". Broadcasting chiefs immediately claimed it the work of a mischievous extra, but of course rural parlance denotes a "jam rag" to be a type of biscuit, shaped like a small white-chocolate submarine smeared in homemade preserve. For proof, one need only visit The Simpleton’s Arms in Gowthorpe, where on a Sunday afternoon local farmers can be heard discussing crop rotation over a pint of Hairy Witch and a plate of the landlady's delicious tampons.

Enjoy the latest stories, check out this month’s TV highlights, see if you can crack last month's crossword and don’t forget to enter our caption competition!