What do Felix the Cat, Scott of the Antarctic, and Hitler’s eastern front all have in common? They will each be remembered as having enjoyed the innocent pleasure and rewarding satisfaction of a leisurely stroll.

But let the history books not forget Gareth Shanks, the man who walked across the river Humber with nothing but a cagoule, a sowester and an oxygen tank full of dreams, for he is - in the words of Walk of Life magazine - “the greatest stroller of all time”.

Shanks, however - whose parents were too poor to buy him feet until he was eleven - hasn’t always had a masterful stride, and didn’t learn how to walk until he was thirteen.

"An older boy took me to a patch of secluded wasteground and showed me what to do," he said. "To begin with I was scared, but afterwards I felt happy and exhilarated. Until he punched me in the stomach and told me to tell no one."

But Shanks now faces his biggest challenge yet as he endeavours to beat professional vagrant and world record hopeful Karl Bushby, whose attempt to circumnavigate the globe has taken him from the scorching swamps of South America to the frozen wasteland of Russia, though his current funding crisis has left him bumming around somewhere near Southend.

"‘I realise he has a bit of a head start," admitted Shanks, "but I’m confident I can catch him up. He had trouble crossing the semi-frozen waters of the Bering Strait, but compared to the mouldy whores, poisonous condoms and great barrier reef of sewage in the Humber, I reckon it’ll be a piece of piss."

"Of course," he added, "I thoroughly intend to sabotage his feet. I’ll nick his cornplasters, put chilli powder in his socks, and swap his boots for a pair of stilletos."

"‘And if that doesn’t work I’ll break the twat’s ankles with a piece of wood."