Under the revised rules it will be compulsory for each student to advance upon an unsuspecting female from a south-westerly direction prior to doling out a firm, grasping clout to the posterior, an emu-like nip to the upper thigh, or a thoroughly invasive jab to the perineum.

 

A spokesman at the first school to trial the changes said: "We performed a dry run in which Under 16's Prop forward Josh Harper rode his eighteen-gear Cannondale full-pelt across the playground, perpendicular to the arse of a strategically positioned Ms Higginbotham, Head of Languages, Divorce and Menopause."

 

"I thought he performed the manoeuvre with skill and dexterity, but Ms Higginbotham said the fondle had been 'weak in body and spirit, as if my behind was an ancient and frightening place where no man would ever again dare venture.'"

 

"She then sobbed uncontrollably before insisting Josh practice the technique at her house three evenings a week and on a Sunday morning straight from the muddy field after Rugby."

 

He added: "I'm afraid Ms Higginbotham is at that funny age between Greek waiters and death."

 

The amendment to the test has been introduced after a Hull man pedalling a vintage Raleigh over-reached while attempting to make contact with a passing pudendum, thereby ending a reign of terror during which he’d claimed almost two dozen fannies and an abundance of bottoms, some of whom have yet to be identified.

A Humberside Police spokesman said: "We owe a duty of care to everyone, including deviants on bicycles. It's no different to the Safe Dogging leaflet we published last year after that short-sighted Eddie Stobbart driver missed the skanky bull’s-eye and accidentally ensnared his old man in the engine grille."

 

"And now the dark nights are here we’ll also be issuing: What To Do If You Twist Your Ankle While Hunting a Student Nurse Across Unlit Wasteland."