Erected last summer by Sutton Fields chemical company Chemideath, the windmill rises to 410 feet and is capable of generating 3 mega watts of power, yet no-one could have foreseen the powerful effects it would have on local residents.

 

One Clough Road housewife, Pam Edam, explained how the area was changing for the better, “It used to be a right shit hole round here. But now, you’d hardly recognise the place. There’s tulips, little mice with clogs on, a quaint network of urban canals that’s sprung-up from nowhere, and now North Sea Ferries are planning an overnight service to Garden Village!”

 

Inward investment in the community has led to a host of new facilities, including a pay-as-you-go gay bar, a dungeon department in B&Q and a community fuck-truck for the housebound, and for young families, the new, highly educational Cock museum opens its Jap’s Eye next weekend (Suitable for Key Stages 1 &2), right next door to the Celebri-Turd Emporium.

 

Oak Road’s Terry McCann told us, “It’s just like being on a two week bend…I mean, cultural visit to The Dam. It’s got a real cosmopolitan feel around here now, with the coffee shops and specialist cinemas. As an added bonus, our lass has started flashing her arse through the living-room window on an evening. Next month we’re having French Windows fitted to the en-suite, so the bus queue can watch her having a shit.”

 

Yet beyond material effects, others have experienced a deeper change. Stockholm Road resident, Isla St. Clair, 86, feels the return to a community spirit, missing for a generation.  “I’ve got this arthritic hip and last Monday, as I was doing my shopping, a perfect stranger stopped the traffic to let me cross a main road. Good job too, god knows how else I’d have caught Jimmy Grockles. Bastard owes me 80 big ones for skunk. Cut him I did, and if I don’t see the reddies smartish, I’ll be strapping him to the blades of that stupid fucking windmill.”